I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
