I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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