I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
