i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
