i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
