In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
