You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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