There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
