remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
