How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
