How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
