i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
