I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
