I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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