I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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