Got a toothbrush?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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