Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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