There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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