We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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