nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
