So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
