I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
