how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
