Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
