omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
