Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
