I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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