I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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