Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
