I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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