so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
