Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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