I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
