I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
