I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
