chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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