well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
