i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
