Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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