He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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