I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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