im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
