If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
