If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
