I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
