Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
