Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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