The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
