After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
