I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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