So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
