if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
