So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
