the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
