I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
