You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
