So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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