That's when you crack a 10am beer
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
