she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm both gender and math confused
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
